Recently I have been struggling with a heaviness in the frequencies around me. This morning I saw a meme in a Facebook group that resonated for a moment. It was a picture of mold spreading from one piece of fruit to another the caption was a message about adopting the attitudes of those we surround ourselves with. At first, I felt that I related to this and I began to respond. I do not see my family as rotten, but their vibrations, their magnetic fields, have been affecting me. In my comment, I was trying to explain the feeling of heaviness and exhaustion I have been experiencing and realized, the moldy fruit analogy was not the right one.
I do not feel like the lower vibrations of the people are bring my own down, I just feel pressure. This is mostly due to my attachment to the happiness of others. I do not want my loved one is to suffer, even though I know full well that suffering is often what wakes people up and help them to grow. I want to find ways to help them and make them happy. I want to find a way to guide them around the suffering and over to where I am, where life feel so abundant and promising and I know that I, and they, are a perfect, unique expression of Spirit. But I know they need the suffering just like I did, so the pressure I have been feeling I have brought on myself in my attempt to force myself to detach, to continue to support them, and to protect my own energy.
As I was trying to comment on the rotten fruit meme, I suddenly had an image come to mind of myself drowning. I realized the water represented my family members’ pains and struggles. I was feeling their pain closing in on me, like a heavy body of water crushing in on me and threatening to pull me further and further under. I saw myself flailing about. I was kicking and thrashing trying to fight off the heaviness by pushing it away from me, simultaneously grasping all around for some kind of control. And herein lied my real problem. My problem was not the heaviness of the vibrations around me. It was my wild efforts to regain my peace and stay afloat that was drowning me. Kicking and thrashing will not save a drowning woman. Because I was grasping at things like meditation and Reiki to try to keep my vibrations high, I had not realized that I was still flailing about in a panic. I thought I was doing the right things to care for myself.
And just like that, I knew what I had to do. Spirit had spoken to me through that image of drowning. I suddenly just let go. I stopped "doing” anything. I stopped fighting and pushing against the heaviness. I stopped grasping for my peace. Stopped worrying about how to best support others. I just stopped and let go. I became quiet and still and let go and I felt myself begin to rise up. The water, the heaviness of the vibrations around me no long pressing down on me, becoming lighter and lighter as I rose.
The message to let go is a common one during awakening. What I am learning is that it is a continual process. Our ego’s will continuously work to get us to grasp onto the familiar to try to stay in control. We must learn to recognize when we are doing this, when we are drowning ourselves, and remember that if we let go the fight and are quiet and still, we will rise.