I had a discussion with a woman who told me that the abuse wasn’t that big a deal. It was normal. All men hit eventually. Either that or it must be her. It always happens to her. It must be something about her that causes it. Her fault. It broke my heart to hear.

I used to be her. I used to say these things and believe them. I believed I had no choice. It was just the way life was. As this woman was speaking, I not only felt a wave of compassion for her, but also for that woman I used to be.

The woman I used to be. Sometimes I resent her. I blame her for staying and trying so long. I blame her for the damage done to her children by growing up in a violent home. I blame her for not taking care of herself and them. For not being strong enough. For not seeing all the help and hope and love and support available in the world for so damned long. There are a lot of things that get placed on her shoulders. Forgiving her, just like her abuser, is a continual process.

I know I deserve forgiveness. I would never blame anyone else for the abuse they’ve endured. I was doing the best I could at that time of my life. I have to trust that it was something that my family and I had to go through to become who we are meant to be and to get where we are meant to go in life. Whenever I start to doubt that, I start to slip into a depression and become gripped by anxiety and the forgiveness process has to be renewed. Efforts have to be doubled to remember it’s never okay, it wasn’t my fault, and I didn’t deserve it. No one deserves it.

It’s an ongoing process. Therapy, Reiki, crystals, meditation, self-help books, continual learning…they all bring me back stronger and stronger each time I start to slip into that place. I make mistakes. I go through tough situations. I keep working on working it out, on doing the right thing, on keeping healthy boundaries, on taking care of myself and my family. I am strong now, though, and I know I’m always okay, even when I don’t feel like I am. I know my past is not my future. It wasn’t okay. It wasn’t my fault. I didn’t deserve it. No one deserves it.

Reiki has been a refuge for me. It gave me something positive and wondrous to put my energy into. It gave me a way to heal myself. It helped me to take my power back. It gave me the drive to pull myself up and stand on my own feet. It gave me the strength and energy to help others. And that’s what I want to do. I wish I could help every single person going through what I did.

I offer Reiki to victims and I send Reiki to their situations. Reiki won’t be the answer for everyone. It won’t resonate with a lot of people. I tell them about crystals that can help support them or help align them with the better things in life. I offer intuitive guidance and can recommend some wonderful tarot and oracle card readers who do great work. Some won’t trust or have faith in any type of alternative complementary care. For those I can still share my experiences and offer someone who will listen to theirs. I do what I can to keep taking care of myself so that I can help them to take care of themselves.

There are so many things that we can all do to help. I’d like to ask you to join me in this mission to help empower victims and help them to understand that it is not okay, it’s not their fault, and they don’t deserve it. I ask you to use whatever tools you choose to direct positive intention and energy at this problem. If you practice Reiki, I ask that you write the situation of domestic violence on paper and hold the paper between your hands and give it Reiki or send the situation distance healing. Help me send love and higher vibrations and to make sure everyone knows, it’s not okay, it isn’t their fault, and they don’t deserve it.